Tomorrow

Today's Tunes:

Go Here and play track 7. THEN play Track 1. Sillan & Young - Tomorrow, and Under My Feet. Just found them. I have an old roommate who played in the original line up of a world class fiddling group, and Aaron ("Young" of the duo who recorded this) joined at one point. Sometimes I look them up to see what they're up to, because they were such a talented group, and just kids at the time. Hell, Alli (roommate) and I were only 16!

I missed my deadline of writing happy thoughts "tomorrow" (which would have been yesterday,) so I'm doing it today. I feel like I'm currently writing my "issues episodes" almost systematically! Working on myself, on my relationships and getting out frustrations and honest (if not always altruistic) thoughts and feelings. I've been holding back on acknowledging what is going really well in my life. I want to keep that part to myself, and my thoughts. Maybe because it's scarier to lose when you say things out loud?

What really makes me excited about my life right now is today. Every day, it's just today. It's what I am doing in the moment. I have been guarded with my choices lately. Cautious with how I spend it, and who I spend it with. And wherever I happen to be, I commit to "being present." Just being there, with no interruptions.

Being careful with where I am and who I am with isn't a bad thing. Sometimes I cancel weekend plans if my life has seemed too busy and I need down time. I used to feel really guilty about things like that, but now I just feel like I want quality relationships in my life, and I want to be disciplined in my actions - intentional about what I am trying to achieve. And if I burn out, I can't do that.

I'm really excited about tomorrow too. Every Tomorrow, really. The potential of the future, and the distance it places between me and the past. I know that when I wake up tomorrow I will be free of unwanted obligation. I will go to a job that I truly enjoy with people I honestly like. I can choose where I spend my weekend, and that choice is 100% mine, with no one to consider but myself. And I'm heading out to Banff for girls' weekend, which I'm really looking forward to. I can choose to be alone if I want. Really, the choice would be mine to not sleep alone if I thought it was a good idea (which I don't objectively think it's a good idea, but there are things that I'm not talking about yet - to be saved for another episode of my issues lol.)

I'm being far more honest with myself. Emotionally aware - emotionally intelligent really. And I know that I'm still really guarded, and also of the impact that would have on another person if I were to enter into a "relationship" right now. I have to have boundaries set in every area of my life, and I don't want anyone taking over my life...which is how I know it would feel right now. It feels really good to be happier "single" than in the wrong relationship - or any relationship really.

My brother and our current roommate make me laugh so much. They are so fun to be around. And my relationship with my brother is the bomb. He was a total shit growing up, so it's really cool to have a man in my family who loves me more than anything and would do anything for me. And that's what my brother has become. Well, I use the term "man" loosely, but he's become an honest, loving and loyal brother, and a great friend to me.

I have discovered the power that I have in choice. I feel more empowered, in control and committed to myself that I ever would have thought possible! I have so many great things to look forward to, and come what may, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can survive anything.

Everything that I write about today, even if it sounds scary, or imperfect, is good. These are things that inspire, engage, motivate and reward me for the work I have done on myself over the past year. My ups are really outweighing the downs in the grand scheme of things, which is not how I felt a year ago, or even a few months ago. And I know that even though it is challenging, it's only going to get better!