Biting off more than I can chew?

So this week, job's not so great. Or, my feeling about my skill level isn't so great I should say. Job's great as ever. My ability to focus, decide and followup are seemingly lacking. I hate not being great at something. I hate questioning whether or not I am even good at something. Days like that just suck.

I am toying with the idea of quitting smoking. By toying, I mean not smoking very much at all for the past 2 days, and not smoking during the workday. And not buying cigarettes....except then I bought a 20 pack which now stares menacingly at me next to my keyboard, threatening a stroke at every glance. Brutal. The change in habit may be contributing to my feelings about the office, but so be it. This is the year of change for me. I'm through with excuses (she says as she sucks back greedily on the cigarette that she has finally caved and lit.) I do not need to be perfect, but I need to be better, and I can be better.

I will get over myself and my job issues, it's a learning curve and I'll get the hang of it. I will get over myself and my addiction issues - from relationship to nicotine. And I will get over my obviously negative spurt as soon as humanly possible. I want to create a corner of happiness here. I have so much happiness in other areas of my life I don't know why I always choose to write when I am venting lately. It may just be because of a tough couple of days, but I don't want to make a habit of it, and it's an easy thing for me to fall into - writing out all of my frutrations.

Tomorrow I'll write about the great things that are happening in my life; add some perspective to my written world. I have so much great going on! Girls' weekend starts Friday at 4, my roommates are hysterical every single day, I've been making so much progress (small, steady steps) on the guitar! I want to document my journey through the learning process. I want to process through a few other "issues" I am having that are way more positive... all change, even the positive ones, come with issues to iron out. Tomorrow not smoking will seem easier, work less overwhelming and life way simpler, because I will write about the good things.