I get annoyed at shit I used to do in my teens. Cam's retarded girlfriend is flirty and spazzy and immature and I want to punch her. I like to think I wasn't ever that irritating but it's tough to tell through my haze of bitterness.
I wanna punch the 20 year old bitch behind the counter of the 7-11 down my street too. She cards me when I buy smokes. I've lived here for a year and been there a couple of times a week. I do NOT appear anywhere near "illegal" and I am OBVIOUSLY OLDER THAN YOU so WTF??!!!
As much as 30 feels like the end of the world, it doesn't feel like the end of the world. I mean, it's 2 months away, how end of worldish can it be? But 15 years ago it was definitely ground zero.
I have less patience than I did in my 20s. That sounds bad, but it's not all terrible. I was a doormat at 20. In love, in life... I let some dude kick the shit outta me for over 2 years back then. Now I get irritated in traffic, demand performance out of my employees and my friends (possibly to my detriment but better than being a punching bag) and make my own magic. Sometimes.
My skin. That is all.
Gravity. Not in mass amounts because I don't HAVE mass amounts of anything, but gravity. I think it's got something to do with my skin.
There are some seriously younger, seriously prettier chicks than me who work for me and that is seriously disturbing.
Everything is not the end of the world. I've seen it, felt it, heard it, gotten through it. And I can again. I don't always wanna do it again, but I can manage if I have to.
I'm not as poor as I used to be. I mean, I suck at managing my money, but I used to have to eat KD and tuna helper. Gross.
I wanna hump way more often than I did in my 20s, but I am far pickier and participate far more rarely. This is a cruel joke.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
For my Sister
So you know how when bad stuff happens to good people it makes you re-evaluate things? I think it's like the unwritten eighth stage of grieving. So something bad happened in the form of my friend losing his battle with brain cancer, and I'm in the re-evaluating part. And I need to tell you how special you are. I know it shouldn't take someone dying blah blah blah, and I know you know I love you and vice versa, but I'm gonna tell you how special you are anyway.
We don't talk enough. We're genetically engineered to go where the wind takes us and that doesn't always leave room for keeping in touch. But I love you so much. I can't imagine not having you in my life. I am sooooo happy that our parents made the decision that they did all those years ago to have you and find the right home for you. I am happy that mom knew you were special enough to fight for, and that Sharon and Colin knew you were special enough to wait for.
Because the world is a brighter place with you. It's a little more zany, high energy and hard to keep up with. It's more curious, spiritual and hopeful. You have this way of "rubbing off" on people. You are infectious. People who spend time with you see these amazing qualities in you and want to be a part of it. So they take pieces of you with them, and they are better. You're the kind of person who adds to how brightly others' lights shine.
You dare to dream long after most people would have given up. That quality is also referred to as stubbornness I think. But it's beautiful. It's why you've accomplished all that you have, and why you continue to search for more. And you have so much courage, Tash. I've watched you put yourself out there to to world and be crushed more than a couple of times in the last 14 years. But you just throw yourself in again and hang on for the ride. And please don't think that I think you are reckless... not in a bad way at least. But I guess in a way, you live your life the same way you dance and create - with reckless abandon. Not enough people do that - bounce back every time, look for new adventures or opportunities - in life or in love.
You are an extraordinary woman, Tasha Lawson. I know that you've inspired and impacted so many people and so many lives, and I'm really blessed to be one of them.
Because you are extraordinary in the true sense of the word, you are probably also intimidating as all hell to men. All of the qualities that you share with the world need room in a relationship as well. I speculate that most men aren't really "man" enough for that. You need, and deserve an extraordinary man. If you have found him, or if not when you do find him (because you totally will) he will know how extraordinary you are and cherish that always. And if he takes a while to come around, I need you to know that you are cherished already.
OK, that's how special you are. :) Love you.
We don't talk enough. We're genetically engineered to go where the wind takes us and that doesn't always leave room for keeping in touch. But I love you so much. I can't imagine not having you in my life. I am sooooo happy that our parents made the decision that they did all those years ago to have you and find the right home for you. I am happy that mom knew you were special enough to fight for, and that Sharon and Colin knew you were special enough to wait for.
Because the world is a brighter place with you. It's a little more zany, high energy and hard to keep up with. It's more curious, spiritual and hopeful. You have this way of "rubbing off" on people. You are infectious. People who spend time with you see these amazing qualities in you and want to be a part of it. So they take pieces of you with them, and they are better. You're the kind of person who adds to how brightly others' lights shine.
You dare to dream long after most people would have given up. That quality is also referred to as stubbornness I think. But it's beautiful. It's why you've accomplished all that you have, and why you continue to search for more. And you have so much courage, Tash. I've watched you put yourself out there to to world and be crushed more than a couple of times in the last 14 years. But you just throw yourself in again and hang on for the ride. And please don't think that I think you are reckless... not in a bad way at least. But I guess in a way, you live your life the same way you dance and create - with reckless abandon. Not enough people do that - bounce back every time, look for new adventures or opportunities - in life or in love.
You are an extraordinary woman, Tasha Lawson. I know that you've inspired and impacted so many people and so many lives, and I'm really blessed to be one of them.
Because you are extraordinary in the true sense of the word, you are probably also intimidating as all hell to men. All of the qualities that you share with the world need room in a relationship as well. I speculate that most men aren't really "man" enough for that. You need, and deserve an extraordinary man. If you have found him, or if not when you do find him (because you totally will) he will know how extraordinary you are and cherish that always. And if he takes a while to come around, I need you to know that you are cherished already.
OK, that's how special you are. :) Love you.
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