I got nothin...

I have been so sick for the last week that I have nothing to really write about. On Friday I think I narrowly escaped death. My head and body have the ache that comes with recovering from a bad cold, and my thoughts are still kind of fuzzy.

I've played a lot of scrabble this week on facebook with Matt. And Yahtzee on my phone. And I've slept a lot, and taken a lot of NyQuil. And I let D take care of me. A lot. It's a really scary place to be in, but I can't help but love him. He's thoughtful and attentive. This in itself is strange and appreciated. He is totally great in bed. Not great like a bedroom superstar who's been around the block enough to know all the moves, but great in a giving, wanting to learn, all about me way. He is patient and understanding and open. All of these things aren't what I have appreciated in my exes. It was humor, and charisma, and passion before.... Not that D doesn't have these, but it's not why I'm in it. As gay as this sounds, I think what's really got me about D is that I feel cherished. I feel like I'm important enough for him to want to fit into my life, and I think he is intentional about treating me well so that I will stay in his life.

If I look back, I've been really good at squeezing into a man's life wherever he would fit me, or needed me. With C, it was the "living together" parts like the rent break, Having a house for himself and his family when needed, and having me pay for more than my share. With his personal time, and self, he was not as sharing. His family, his band, his whatever was going on at the moment was always very critical.

Same thing happened with D and R before C. I've always had a place and a purpose in my lovers' lives. I don't want to be typecast anymore. I have a very established life now, and it's about time that someone made sufficient room for me. I have to admit that it's comfortable that D is more integrated into my life than vice versa. I haven't met any of his family or friends. And for now, that's perfect. It's just for me and D. We don't need the pomp and circumstance of everyone knowing that we're in a relationship. I really like that it's private, just me and him.