Proverbs are so cliche. lol. Unnecessary statement I know, but true nonetheless. I love this one in the title. Maybe sometimes I need cliche to provide clarity. I mean, if it's cliche, it must be something familiar to the masses right? And it's somewhat comforting to know that sometimes the masses need the help as much as I do.
"Those who wish to sing always find a song."
If I could sum up my life to date with one cliche, this would be it. If I could sum up my purpose in starting this blog with one cliche, this would still be it. In fact if I could sum up where I am heading on my journey, what I wish to accomplish, and how I was made - all with one cliche - this would be it.
In order to understand where I am heading (and isn't everyone trying to understand where they are heading?) you have to know where I have been. My life has been a blessed one. Rich in experience, Rich in loves found and lost, joys experienced, pain weathered and grief endured. I have had many experiences in human nature. I am fascinated, inspired, appalled and amazed by all that humanity has to offer. There has never been a lack of humor in my life, which I value as one of the universe's greatest gifts. It's been unique, exciting, and strange. I am sure as I continue to write, there will be glimpses into some specifics of the experiences that have shaped me. For now, just know that I am happy with who I am, have made peace with where I have come from, and am in transition to who I would like to become.
About four months ago, I found myself exactly where I had never planned to be. 27, single, with 4 cats and living from paycheque to paycheque. This was after a series of events that led to the end of an engagement the week after I bought a wedding gown. I had not foreseen the events that occurred, I had no choice in them (except the part where it all ended,) and while I do not consider myself a victim, I did feel tossed around a bit (or a lot) by the actions of my would have been husband. I did NOT want to be the crazy cat lady. I didn't even like cats before I met him. ( I love my cats, but really, 4 is excessive for one person. I didn't ever think I'd be alone with them when we took them in.)
I am not a stranger to heartache. Nor am I unfamiliar with the unknown, or uncertain future. I have found ways to cope. I've thrived on change. I am a singer. I am a searcher. I am a writer. So when life hands me lemons, I write a song. Or I used to.
About 2 weeks after he left, I found myself crying on the couch AGAIN, and realized that I needed to find a more productive outlet. I was wasting good emotion on disposable tissues, and starting to question my mental health. So I grabbed my writing gear, sat down, and..... couldn't write a thing. It had been a while since I had taken the time to write. In fact, it had been about 4 years. I used to write every day. It was my outlet. I've never been able to keep a journal in the traditional sense. I've been writing nothing but songs in my journal since I was 11 years old. I fell deeply in love with someone I thought was my soul mate 4 years ago. I don't know why, but I stopped writing shortly after that. I should have taken that as a sign that it wasn't right. But I didn't really realize that I had stopped doing what I do until that day on the couch, when I was no longer able to do it when I needed to.
Life goes on, and mine proceeded to do so. I've sat with my notebook many times, but I've now got the worst case of writer's block ever. Because of the circumstances leading up to my major life change, I don't feel like I can "learn" from my experiences with that relationship, I feel like I have to "recover." And I hate that. I want to find meaning in what happened. I want to grow from it and reflect. Maybe I'm just "not there" yet, but it's unfamiliar territory for me, and for the first time in my life, that is terrifying me. I don't know what I want to do with my new life. I don't know what will come of the decisions I have made in the last 4 months since I have been alone. I want to sing. Even when I wasn't writing, I was singing. But now I find myself without a song.
A friend of mine is a blogger. I never understood. I mean, I understood that it works for her, and so be it, but I never got why someone would post their innermost thoughts, or any personal details of their life in such a public forum. And now here I sit. I've never been one to dismiss an idea without further investigation. As all other attempts to work through my life's current roadblocks have left me in the same place, I am trying the blog. I am hoping that if I start to write something with the clear intention to "find a song," it will happen. And ironically enough, this is the most that I have written in a very long time. It's not a song, but it's a start.
"Those who wish to sing always find a song."
If I could sum up my life to date with one cliche, this would be it. If I could sum up my purpose in starting this blog with one cliche, this would still be it. In fact if I could sum up where I am heading on my journey, what I wish to accomplish, and how I was made - all with one cliche - this would be it.
In order to understand where I am heading (and isn't everyone trying to understand where they are heading?) you have to know where I have been. My life has been a blessed one. Rich in experience, Rich in loves found and lost, joys experienced, pain weathered and grief endured. I have had many experiences in human nature. I am fascinated, inspired, appalled and amazed by all that humanity has to offer. There has never been a lack of humor in my life, which I value as one of the universe's greatest gifts. It's been unique, exciting, and strange. I am sure as I continue to write, there will be glimpses into some specifics of the experiences that have shaped me. For now, just know that I am happy with who I am, have made peace with where I have come from, and am in transition to who I would like to become.
About four months ago, I found myself exactly where I had never planned to be. 27, single, with 4 cats and living from paycheque to paycheque. This was after a series of events that led to the end of an engagement the week after I bought a wedding gown. I had not foreseen the events that occurred, I had no choice in them (except the part where it all ended,) and while I do not consider myself a victim, I did feel tossed around a bit (or a lot) by the actions of my would have been husband. I did NOT want to be the crazy cat lady. I didn't even like cats before I met him. ( I love my cats, but really, 4 is excessive for one person. I didn't ever think I'd be alone with them when we took them in.)
I am not a stranger to heartache. Nor am I unfamiliar with the unknown, or uncertain future. I have found ways to cope. I've thrived on change. I am a singer. I am a searcher. I am a writer. So when life hands me lemons, I write a song. Or I used to.
About 2 weeks after he left, I found myself crying on the couch AGAIN, and realized that I needed to find a more productive outlet. I was wasting good emotion on disposable tissues, and starting to question my mental health. So I grabbed my writing gear, sat down, and..... couldn't write a thing. It had been a while since I had taken the time to write. In fact, it had been about 4 years. I used to write every day. It was my outlet. I've never been able to keep a journal in the traditional sense. I've been writing nothing but songs in my journal since I was 11 years old. I fell deeply in love with someone I thought was my soul mate 4 years ago. I don't know why, but I stopped writing shortly after that. I should have taken that as a sign that it wasn't right. But I didn't really realize that I had stopped doing what I do until that day on the couch, when I was no longer able to do it when I needed to.
Life goes on, and mine proceeded to do so. I've sat with my notebook many times, but I've now got the worst case of writer's block ever. Because of the circumstances leading up to my major life change, I don't feel like I can "learn" from my experiences with that relationship, I feel like I have to "recover." And I hate that. I want to find meaning in what happened. I want to grow from it and reflect. Maybe I'm just "not there" yet, but it's unfamiliar territory for me, and for the first time in my life, that is terrifying me. I don't know what I want to do with my new life. I don't know what will come of the decisions I have made in the last 4 months since I have been alone. I want to sing. Even when I wasn't writing, I was singing. But now I find myself without a song.
A friend of mine is a blogger. I never understood. I mean, I understood that it works for her, and so be it, but I never got why someone would post their innermost thoughts, or any personal details of their life in such a public forum. And now here I sit. I've never been one to dismiss an idea without further investigation. As all other attempts to work through my life's current roadblocks have left me in the same place, I am trying the blog. I am hoping that if I start to write something with the clear intention to "find a song," it will happen. And ironically enough, this is the most that I have written in a very long time. It's not a song, but it's a start.
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