It's Graduation Day!!!

Today's Songs (right now):

Me & Julio Down By The School Yard - Paul Simon - How can you NOT be happy when you hear this???
I Want You Back - The Jackson 5 - Stuck in my Head
Put Your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae - Today's "me" song

So I've been taking a leadership course with some people I work with. It's been pretty intense. The company I've worked with for the last 6 years partnered with a post secondary institution nearby to develop a leadership certification course. It's a great way to get extra education without having to pay for it, but it's stressful knowing that your ability to complete the coursework and utilize the principles at work will be reviewed by your boss. The course has consisted of 4 modules, all with 3 weeks of pre-session work, a 2 to 4 day in class session and 3 weeks of post-session work. CRAZY!! There's no real way to "fluff" through it. Not that I'm much of a "fluffer" anyway. I take opportunities seriously, because life is short. Which probably explains why my class unanimously elected me as the grad speaker. I was the first to say "not it" but I was sort of volun-told otherwise. Oh shit. WTF have I done???!!!

I've been pretty stressed out about the whole thing! Nobody in the class was really giving me a lot of useful info on what they wanted to see out of my "speech," yet I was voted to represent the class so I didn't want to just write what I thought. So I asked my friend K if she wanted to speak with me, and we tag teamed it.

I missed my calling when I didn't go further with writing as a career. I mean, I write for my enjoyment, but it's the one thing that comes so naturally to me that I really feel I excel at. I'm great with words. My friends and family tell me all the time. The two things I "get" really well in this world are human beings and words. Which makes me great in a time of emotional crisis, when your world is flipped upside down and you don't know what you need or even how you feel. I can tell you what you need and then go get it for you... and it's easier to figure out how you feel over a pint of Haagen Daaz which is generally what I return with. My mother and sister marvel at how I can verbalize their feelings each time they are disappointed by a friend or lover, have their hearts broken, or lose a job. I'm working on being able to do that with my own feelings in just as an objective manner.... sounds simple, but it's tough homework.

So anyway, K and I tossed around some ideas, and I wrote something that we both thought would get the job done. My issues lie in the delivery of said speech - to our VPs, the head honcho of our company, some managers, HR peeps and my class. This is a hysterical concept. I have been with the company for 6 years, K's there with me, and I've been drunk with the head guys on a company jet.... I'm pretty sure that I should be comfortable enough with these people to deliver a speech. I can sing in front of strangers, and have sang in front of a thousand people at our company Christmas parties twice. My band's been hired to do the Stampede Breakfasts there. And yet I stood in front of these people, and my hands SHOOK for the entire speech!

Mortifying.

But over. And I breathe a sigh of relief just thinking about that. It's over. I shook, yes. But K and I delivered. And our head guy said he wanted a copy to laminate. Yes I said LAMINATE. Who freaking laminates??? I loved that.

Let's see...what else is new. Went for sushi last night with someone I don't blog about (lack of significance??) B came over later. We rocked out on Rock Band. I think he might have a thing for me. That wouldn't be great. It would be un-great in fact. Why do people have such a hard time keeping relationships on the level that the other person is comfortable with???

Seriously, this bites my butt. People always want more than you want to give them. I've been guilty of it myself on many occasions. Why can't friends just be friends? Or lovers just be lovers? Why can't sex just be sex sometimes?!? If the "rules" are clearly outlined and both parties agree, there should be NO BENDING THE DAMNED RULES!!!!

I realize that people often start off as "friends" and then a relationship grows to be more. Good relationships often start as great friendships. But when one party clearly states the intention of a relationship early on, then the other party has no right to bitch if it doesn't become more. And the other party should bow out if they can't handle the boundaries.

Women often make this mistake when they are interested in a man. The man can say outright that they aren't looking for a relationship, yet a woman will hang around trying to stick it out until he sees she is great enough to commit to... nauseating. And they'll pretend that they're OK with zero commitment, and try to be something they are not. That part is sad. Most women cannot have emotion-free sex with the same partner for very long. They should stop pretending they can. It's OK to have "weaknesses" (I don't think it's weak, but it seems to sometimes be viewed that way) and grow attached to something. Just make sure it's worth attaching to first. If he tells you up front that he's not worth it, then DON'T ATTACH!!

This rant has just made me realize that currently, I could still handle a bout of emotion-free sex... not long term, just....ARRRGGGHHH!! Does the rule where a "rematch" with an ex later in life doesn't increase your numbers still work?