A week ago, had I been writing and chosen a song to go with my life, if would have been Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts or Marry Me by Train. Why? Because 30 has been awesome. Life has never been better. I've found new balance between life and work - meaning for the first time ever work hasn't been my life. I've also found what's been missing in every partner I've ever had. The person who actually loves me and all of my craziness just as I come. Adam asked me last week what I do at home when I'm alone. I told him I was a PVR junkie, and that I spent hours scouring the internet for unknown music and that I write. He asked if I had written about him. I said no. Of course no.... because why would I ever write when things were awesome? Then I felt stupid for once again abandoning my written self when things were good, and also a little guilty. And stupid again for not having an account of how amazing things have been in my life lately. lots of stupid. lol
The one awesome thing about being injured in a car accident and not being able to take care of myself is that it happened after Adam and I fell in love. I mean, shitty for him I'm sure, because I pretty much suck right now. But as angry as I am at the universe for this current test, I have to be grateful that I'm not in it alone. Somehow he made it to the hospital within minutes of me. He wiped my tears and held my hand while I totally freaked out in the neck brace. He took me across the city so I could sleep in my own bed and came and got me and brought me home with him when I realized I couldn't take care of myself. God knows, I have tested him this week. I've been medicated and insecure and depressed. I've felt sorry for myself and been in denial and done everything that could have possibly made him walk. But he won't. I'm starting to believe that he never will. He always says hell or high water. I think he actually means it.
No comments:
Post a Comment