So I've been gone a while. Long time actually. For the whole 8 months that I was hopelessly in love with R to now...7 months after we broke up and me still a little stupid over him.

So on the great news front, I can safely say that I am over C. Over the hurt, just over that whole thing in my life and moved on. The whole reason that I started this blog in the first place has become a part of my distant past - something that sucked, but I lived to love another day.

...That's where things got sticky for me. I can't express how much I regret not writing through that phase of my life - the love another day part. The happy that I felt, and the way I felt cared for. For a while it felt like the most real, loving relationship I'd ever had... then the chem trails and vaccine conspiracies and New World Order and buying silver and selling his truck and the moving to Australia. Not that R is in Australia. He didn't go. He's doing his thing around town, being 40, smoking dope and waiting for the 40 plus hockey league. (That comment was a little shallow and quoted from my co-worker who was obviously trying to cheer me up.)

Anyways, I'm 30 in a couple of months. Another reason to write, I guess. Somehow I find myself back on my blog, which was my sanctuary when I first started it. 30, heart still stinging from the last one, no idea where to find the next one, and not a lot of drive to start looking. Except I miss sex. A lot. R and I did the casual ex sex thing a few months ago. I'm pretty sure that he's seeing someone else now...so that reopened the gash and cut me off all at once. I'm not a one night stand or ex sex kinda girl anyway. Ok, stopping thinking about it now. My point is, I kinda gave up on men. And that is unacceptable, because I used to LOOOOVE men. I know deep down I STILL LOOOOOVE men. So I will write. Because man hatred is a dark, dark place.